coaltide | Morbane's coal

dc

But how many people only do Yuletide, and how many know about here or the FFA venting threads? Having had my Yuletide saved more than once by a treat after my main gift was an awful mess, I can sympathize with feeling an extra dose of gratitude towards the treat writer and wanting to express that.

This. It might not mash with unspoken exchange rules and etiquette, but it's a very understandable sentiment.

Man, I think anyone can figure out in a public gift exchange that saying you prefer one over another could be rude, whether it's Yuletide or Grandma's house. It's the recipient's business whether they want to get into it with their assigned author, but I don't think there's any secret etiquette rules they've broken, just a normal one.

Man, I think anyone can figure out in a public gift exchange that saying you prefer one over another could be rude, whether it's Yuletide or Grandma's house.

No???? Ever since I was a kid, exchanging gifts at family Christmas always ended up with a "everyone says what their favorite gift was".

Comparing real life gifting to fic exchanges is never helpful, though, so neither your argument nor my response is relevant for Yuletide.

Ok but your family definitely didn't encourage "say what your favorite gift was by comparing it to one you didn't like as much" right?

AYRT

No, it's very straight-forward "So, which one did you like best?" question (and tbf, it's not like anyone ever only got two gifts, so saying which one you like best doesn't come with a logical 'and this one is the worst' conclusion).

It's also rude to say "you saved my day" to another author IMO. I have received comments like this, not usually in exchanges but comments like "this is the only good fic for this pairing", and it's like thanks dude, you have made it impossible for me to respond, even in cases where I kind of agree, because either I sound like a self-aggrandizing jackass or I tell you that you were just super rude about my friends who are also writing this pairing. You can be a normal and nice person whose day is ruined by a bad Yuletide gift but if you're the kind of person who will actually vocalize any variation on "my day was ruined by this bad gift" (with exceptions for specific extreme circumstances like spitefic), in my experience you just shouldn't be doing exchanges. Of course, selfish and emotionally poorly regulated people do exchanges all the time. But they shouldn't.

You can be a normal and nice person whose day is ruined by a bad Yuletide gift but if you're the kind of person who will actually vocalize any variation on "my day was ruined by this bad gift" (with exceptions for specific extreme circumstances like spitefic), in my experience you just shouldn't be doing exchanges.

Wow, no. I couldn't disagree more. If it's fine to have your gift ruined by a really bad gift, then it's also fine to vocalise that rather then silently mope and never let it on.

No, sorry, it's not, assuming we're talking about complaining in any way that could identify the fic. When you sign up for Yuletide you are signing up to do a non-gatekept writing exchange. You always run the risk of getting a good faith, badly written fic. If that will ruin your day, and you can't keep that to yourself, you should not sign up for gift exchanges. It really is that simple.

If you take part in a fic exchange where you write for a stranger, sometimes one of your fics will miss its mark. That's normal and to be expected. If an author can't handle that, they're not suited for fic exchanges.

Sometimes, there's disappointment on either side, and it's fine for anyone involved to express that disappointment.

No, sorry, it's rude. It is rude to complain about a gift you receive, created for you in good faith, because it's not to your taste or even objectively poorly written. It is also rude to complain, as an author, about perceived differences in enthusiasm between your recip's comments, or your recip not leaving a comment to your taste or whatever. You don't get to jettison basic manners because you feel entitled to complain about receiving badfic.

In your mind, is it also rude to hit the "refuse gift" button? Because I feel like this is approaching a territory where there's no other response other than to fake enjoying a gift you hate.

Yes, if the fic makes a good-faith attempt to fulfill your request and is simply not that well-written, of course it's rude to refuse it. if you can't bring yourself to leave a bland thank-you and keep it moving then you shouldn't be doing Yuletide.

You keep presenting your personal opinion like a universal truth when it's not. It's not even an uncontroversial exchange etiquette. Many people feel like rejecting fics that you hate - good faith or not - is fine.

You don't have to fake enjoyment! You can give the standard "Thank you for writing for me" and leave it at that.

Go ahead and refuse a fic if it contains DNWs or is obviously spitefic, of course, but it's rude to refuse a gift simply for being subpar.

I'm sure you keep every well meaning shitty gift that people give you irl.

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