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Comments

Re: Mod Cabal

[(Anonymous)]

DC

To be perfectly honest, I feel this way about the detailed posting with quotes from the emails here. If those shouldn't have been shared in the mod discord, they shouldn't have been shared in an even more public place. There are other, more careful ways of whistleblowing if that feels necessary to you.

And...honestly, did that person speak up or push back at all in chat? Or did they just think the best way to defend the recipient was to splash their distressing situation all over coal?

Posting things to coal doesn't address problems, it just makes them blow up into wank, and it speaks more to enjoying gossip than improving exchange culture. If that's what you want to do, fine I guess, but I don't know that I prefer that approach from people I'm emailing with my private problems in an exchange, either.

Re: Mod Cabal

[(Anonymous)]

+1

I can see why someone in the mod server was angry at the way the recipient was treated. It was thoughtless and smallminded. However I'm getting more and more the impression that whoever shared the details was just itching for a reason to break containment; this was their excuse.

Someone already offered to share the mod's other identity with the recipient directly - which doesn't seem helpful to me but still has a sliver of justification.

If Coal wanted to avoid this mod, we could avoid their exchange. We didn't need extra names.

Wondering if the OP has a grudge against this mod personally, tbh.

Re: Mod Cabal

[(Anonymous)]

Oh yeah my guess was OP had a beef with either this mod or the mod who made that comment about lying. That doesn't take away from my personal enjoyment of this wank at all though! This has been some of the best exchange wank in ages.

Re: Mod Cabal

[(Anonymous)]

The "lying" mod was EO. You're spoiled for choice about who has bad blood with him.

Re: Mod Cabal

[(Anonymous)]

DC I agree on all counts. A+ wank.

Re: Mod Cabal

[(Anonymous)]

+1 I would not have done it because my inclination would have been to let the recipient know directly (if I could track them down). But I am ok enjoying the fruit of someone else’s wank labor.

Re: Mod Cabal

[(Anonymous)]

Frankly, who doesn't dislike E_O at least a little.

Re: Mod Cabal

[(Anonymous)]

Eh.

I like some of his fic just fine even though coalies like to grump that it's all mid and I don't personally care about his commenting patterns all that much; it's enough to make me avoid him as a recipient as a poor match for my particular recip commenting preferences but I don't really think any worse of him for it. I was neutral on him before this.

What gets my goat is the recurring trend of using ND issues as a shield for everything from why commenting specifically is hard to (in this case) why people calling him out on his shitty accusatory word choice is extra painful to him specifically for ND reasons/because he has a bad history with people picking apart his word choices. The former is kind of tacky, the latter puts him in "This is someone who's extremely unlikely to take responsibility for anything, red flag, do not engage with" territory.

Re: Mod Cabal

[(Anonymous)]

+1

Re: Mod Cabal

[(Anonymous)]

Both of those people (especially e_o) have been longstanding coal favorite targets, you can assume that part is true

Re: Mod Cabal

[(Anonymous)]

Do people hate adastreia? I never heard of them, and I love tea so I'm surprised I would have missed it entirely.

Re: Mod Cabal

[(Anonymous)]

I had never heard of them either, though I figured they might be the new mod even before the wank. They wrote this year’s pinned post in the Relationshipping channel on EAD.

Re: Mod Cabal

[(Anonymous)]

Their name's come up in the anon comms other times but I don't think for anything big before.

Re: Mod Cabal

[(Anonymous)]

Untrue; having their actual account name gives that much more of a chance to avoid them in other exchanges. Not a guaranteed chance, because mod socks exist, but more of one.

Knowing who they are in order to avoid matching or filling pinch hits or treating? Also a thing. Assholery shouldn't be rewarded.

Re: Mod Cabal

[(Anonymous)]

CYRT

No. I simply disagree with you that this is a justified action proportionate to current or potential future harm.

Re: Mod Cabal

[(Anonymous)]

well they weren't the one who made the asshole comments right? That was the other one

Re: Mod Cabal

[(Anonymous)]

They did not push back in the chat at all. Whoever posted here said nothing to defend the recipient on the server, their reaction was to run to coal to vent about it.

I don't understand why someone would be upset about something being posted to a semi-public locked server and react by reposting things in actual public. It makes zero sense.

Re: Mod Cabal

[(Anonymous)]

They're a coward.

Re: Mod Cabal

[(Anonymous)]

It stings when someone privately thinks server behavior crosses a line but won't speak up about it in response to actual behavior.

But a lot of servers are like that.

Re: Mod Cabal

[(Anonymous)]

Oddly this server isn't like that. There are pushbacks and discussions all the time. It's not uncommon at all there for someone to express that too much information is being posted (which generally results in that information being deleted) or that people are overblowing something better explained in a kinder way (which results in everyone softening their language or dropping the conversation).

I don't know why, in that climate, they weren't willing to say something there but were willing to post it here.

Re: Mod Cabal

[(Anonymous)]

I think for someone who is a bit conflict averse it makes sense, and if it's motivated by dislike of EO maybe it makes even more sense.

Re: Mod Cabal

[(Anonymous)]

It makes emotional sense but isn't actually acceptable behavior, IMO. I say that as someone who is also conflict averse.

It's easy to "address" conflict by posting about it anonymously. It can feel validating to get engagement when you do so. Really, though, it's avoiding the uncomfortable parts of the conflict; it's the very definition of passive-aggressive. I don't think we should kid ourselves that it improves anyone's situation, including a recipient who did not agree to have explicit detail of their private exchange experience posted here any more than they consented to have it posted in the mod chat.

Re: Mod Cabal

[(Anonymous)]

Oh, well if you're conflict averse that's fine then!

Re: Mod Cabal

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah. I'm not in that server and like to think myself pretty bold with calling people out on their shit, but also, honestly, it can get very old after a while. If I'm having to do that regularly, I will probably reevaluate if it's worth it sticking around in that community.

I spoke up once about a similar situation elsewhere and all it got me was grief and the impression that I made the wank worse by making a big deal out of it.

I agree that posting logs for anonspace to wank about is a bad way to go about addressing that kind of server climate issue, but at the same time, it's also a symptom of the server climate being a certain way.

Re: Mod Cabal

[(Anonymous)]

I do want "exchange culture" to change, so everyone involved should step down and leave. Would be hell of a start imo.