One Wank After Another

[coalcube]

A blank assignment is a funny thing, isn't it? When you have it, you don't appreciate it, and when you miss it, it's gone.

Wednesday 10 December: Default deadline (9pm UTC)
Wednesday 17 December: Assignment deadline (9pm UTC)
Wednesday 24 December: Main collection works reveals (9pm UTC)
Thursday 25 December: Madness collection works reveals (9pm UTC)
Thursday 1 January: Author reveals, end of event (9pm UTC)

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Comments

Re: The DNW that made you want to know the backstory

[(Anonymous)]

hey quick question, what are some common symptoms of autism

Re: The DNW that made you want to know the backstory

[(Anonymous)]

Sorry to say that "I don't understand why I shouldn't publicly bitch about people in a place where they might see it, how is that wrong?" is not a symptom of autism.

Even if you did genuinely not emotionally understand because you feel differently (fair!), it's something that - as an adult - you will have learned at some point is generally considered rude, so the wide-eyed ignorance is when people point out that it's rude is either performative, deliberate shit-stirring, or terminal assholitis.

Re: The DNW that made you want to know the backstory

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not that coalie but like, unstated rules of exchange and social media etiquette seem incredibly easy for someone with the developmental disorder that famously affects the ability to interpret and engage in social situations to not understand.

Re: The DNW that made you want to know the backstory

[(Anonymous)]

CYRT

This isn't exchange etiquette, though. "If you bitch about people in a public place, many people will find it rude" is not a situation that will only crop up in exchanges or on social media but in virtually every aspect of life.

Re: The DNW that made you want to know the backstory

[(Anonymous)]

But specifically in the fandom context, bitching about people on pseudonymous social media isn't like, uncommon. Usually people vaguepost, I guess, but vagueposting can get pretty obvious.

Idk, maybe I'm not rlly getting the outrage here bc in isolation I just don't think what duckgirlie did is that big a deal and that's where this whole conversation started.

Re: The DNW that made you want to know the backstory

[(Anonymous)]

I feel like I've seen this kind of thing so many times online. "I wouldn't care if someone did this to me!" Well, most people do, which is why we teach kids it's rude. "So, what, I can't say what I want on my own account?" You can, people will just find it rude and react accordingly.

Re: The DNW that made you want to know the backstory

[(Anonymous)]

It's just pure egocentrism in the literal sense of the word: elevating personal preference to universal preference. These people's understanding of interpersonal rules of engagement never grew past kindergarten-level "Treat others as you would like to be treated". Because otherwise you'd have to actually decide what behavior is correct and what behavior isn't based on complex factors like impact, intent, harm, etc., and that's way too complicated./s

Re: The DNW that made you want to know the backstory

[(Anonymous)]

The "I wouldn't care if someone did this to me!" is often not true either; it's just a really convenient way to excuse your own rude behavior.

Not always, of course, but plenty of times when it DOES actually happen to them, then obviously it IS terrible and the person who's doing it is the worst.

Re: The DNW that made you want to know the backstory

[(Anonymous)]

+1

A close relative is like this and the obvious double standards for how X is upsetting when done to her but not upsetting when done by her to others are one big reason I've considered going no-contact.

Re: The DNW that made you want to know the backstory

[(Anonymous)]

DC

+1

Damn it, you said the same thing as me but in much fewer words.

Re: The DNW that made you want to know the backstory

[(Anonymous)]

DC

I'm sick of this infantilizing crap.

I might be somewhere on the sociopathy spectrum because I'm one of those 'low empathy' people who simply does not feel viscerally upset on behalf of other people. I loved my grandpa but I more or less felt nothing when he suddenly died, and any negative feelings over it to the point of genuinely disrupting my mood and daily function were incredibly low-grade and diffuse. People experiencing genuinely debilitating grief and heartbreak is hard to relate to, for me.

But when you're built that differently, it's impossible not to be aware that most people aren't wired like you are. If I asked why anyone would possibly be that upset their relative has died, it would not be because of a particular neurodivergence, it would be due to a failure of basic observation and paying attention to the fact that other people exist. AKA being a bit too self-absorbed, which is a common failing.

And I actually think dogpiling the "I'm too autistic to understand this" coalie is a bit shitty, because it's better to show grace when people are earnest in a way that ends up showing their asses a bit. We're all still learning.

But yeah, it's got nothing to do with autism and I'm sick of people using that as an excuse for failure to accept that people are different, and you don't have to understand it on an emotional level in order to be obliged to accept it. (More to the point, whether you accept a behavior or not should be derived from first principles of how to balance personal agency with compassion, and should have nothing to do with how much you personally get someone's response.)

Re: The DNW that made you want to know the backstory

[(Anonymous)]

cyrt

I *guess*, but I don't think this is a situation anywhere near as clear as a relative dying. We're talking about a fanfiction exchange faux pas.

Re: The DNW that made you want to know the backstory

[(Anonymous)]

na

Exchange etiquette has nothing to do with whether it's rude to publicly complain about a fellow rando in your online community by name on social media. That's rude regardless.

Re: The DNW that made you want to know the backstory

[(Anonymous)]

CYRT

As the other coalie pointed out, I'm not sure why you're making this out to be a misunderstanding of exchange etiquette when "[I don't understand why anyone cares.] even on the very off chance her recipient saw it, if her recipient doesn't think she herself is a bad person then why would she care if the author did." is an incredibly general statement.

Re: The DNW that made you want to know the backstory

[(Anonymous)]

They weren't being earnest, though

Re: The DNW that made you want to know the backstory

[(Anonymous)]

Being a dick?

Re: The DNW that made you want to know the backstory

[(Anonymous)]

Nah.

Re: The DNW that made you want to know the backstory

[(Anonymous)]

C CYRT RT

No. It doesn't stop anyone from being both autistic AND a dick, of course, but there's no causality there, so "I'm autistic" is not an excuse.

Re: The DNW that made you want to know the backstory

[(Anonymous)]

Autism is a mental disorder, the defining characteristic of which is that autists are unable or unwilling to understand or care that other people are people too and that other people's feelings, safety or opinions matter.

They claim that they're "logical", but that's not actually true. By "logical" they mean "other people's feelings are stupid and I should not face consequences for being an asshole".

Yes, acting like an asshole is a common symptom of autism.

Re: The DNW that made you want to know the backstory

[(Anonymous)]

Nah.

Re: The DNW that made you want to know the backstory

[(Anonymous)]

this is tryhard af

Re: The DNW that made you want to know the backstory

[(Anonymous)]

Autism is a neurodevelopmental condition, the defining characteristic of which is nonstandard information processing that can affect communication, social interaction, and sensory perception. People with autism may sometimes misunderstand or mimic social communication inappropriately, but they can and do care deeply about others. You appear to be describing antisocial personality disorder, or sociopathy, which specifically involves a lack of empathy or regard for other people’s feelings, safety, or rights. Some sociopaths may indeed be autistic, but it is wrong to conclude that all people with autism are sociopaths.

Re: The DNW that made you want to know the backstory

[(Anonymous)]

ironically,

Re: The DNW that made you want to know the backstory

[(Anonymous)]

Nope. Autists are selfish assholes, full stop.

Anyone who has encountered an autist in the wild knows the truth.

Re: The DNW that made you want to know the backstory

[(Anonymous)]

Love the sociopathy stigma in this post, too.

The physical ability to feel empathy for other people != interpersonal behavior.