coaltide | The Coal Game

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2021

The Coal Game

We're scrolling
And watching coalies make errors
The most pathetical errors!
We're watching experienced coalies
Who stayed up all night tracking a source in its original Latin
Up, writin'
And writin' bad!

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yuletide |

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2021 Collection | 2021 App (bonus + challenges) | Letter Post

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CYRT

I see what you're saying if someone is adding to their letter, although the problem wouldn't have occurred to me since I list my requested pairings in my signup. I try to put everything important in my signups, so it's not like I can suddenly un-request something later by changing my letter. And I have a very short list of DNWs, which are all pretty straightforward and apply to all my fandoms, or have a note to explain them if they don't.

To me I guess it's mainly a phrasing preference. A request for A/B with a DNW for unrequested pairings sounds better and more neutral to me than "DNW: any pairing except A/B."

SC

To be clear, I understand that "DNW: any pairing except A/B" is also neutral! I just feel like I sound judgy if I say it that way.

If you're putting your ok pairings in the letter you're not who I'm mad at! That's fine. If you DNW unrequested and not requesting anything I'd still really prefer that said outright in the signup though - otherwise I'm left wondering if there was supposed to be something requested.

I get not wanting to put specific pairings in your DNW because of how it sounds, but as a generally pairing-agnostic person "unrequested pairings" feels like you're saying "how dare you expose me to any of those *other* pairings" whereas "dnw anything but x/y" feels like you're saying "this is what I want in this specific exchange, please!"

Also at this point "unrequested pairings" has more wanky history-at least in yuletide, since your small-fandom ship prefs are unlikely to have a ship war. I can see how it might feel different if you're requesting, like, reylo. I only do small fandoms in exchanges so that doesn't come up.

...and I meant to say 'in the signup' not 'in the letter's in that first sentence.

"unrequested pairings" feels like you're saying "how dare you expose me to any of those *other* pairings" whereas "dnw anything but x/y" feels like you're saying "this is what I want in this specific exchange, please!"

Hah, that must be our problem. I was thinking the exact opposite! To me "DNW anything but x/y" feels like "everything besides x/y is bad," whereas "DNW: unrequested pairings" feels like "I request different things depending on the exchange or my mood, but for this exchange these are the things I'm requesting."

Also at this point "unrequested pairings" has more wanky history

Does it? Yuletide is almost the only exchange I do, and I'm not in any fandoms with ship wars as far as I know, but I haven't heard anything about "unrequested pairings" wank. I usually see "DNW: unrequested pairings" suggested as a safe, neutral DNW when someone is asking how to, for instance, DNW het or slash without being wanky.

There have been several cases (in other exchanges mostly) where people have DNW'd "unrequested pairings" and then ask for an eph because, for example, the fic mentioned a character's parents having been together. Plus multiple times on every coal dnw thread where someone runs into it in a way that makes them need to ask the mods wtf the recip actually meant. And people asking how to word it in a away that their writer will know that, idk, background canon pairings are okay.

Like I'm sure 90% of the people who use it are fine, but I only encounter it when it goes bad (or in my match letters, at which point I roll my eyes and make a note not to mention that parents exist.) So it definitely doesn't read as the wank-free option anymore.

If you want to DNW slash or het just do that, just don't say it gives you seizures. If you want to DNW one specific pairing do that, just don't talk about how it's gross. If you don't want ship fic focused on anyone else, but background pairings, mention of oc past loves, or or gen with canon pairings is fine, say that! If you really will be triggered by a reminder that anyone other than your OTP has ever dated, say that. You writer will thank you, and won't have to guess which of those you meant.

Ah, okay. I was aware of some of that. I do state in my DNWs that I'm fine with parents and other OC pairings, among other things. (I'm trying to avoid repeating my exact phrasing here since it might be de-anoning, but it's detailed enough that I don't think anyone would be confused about what I mean.) I get your point, though; in fact I was one of the people upthread who suggested that OP should ask the mods about the DNW, because I assume most people are fine with background OC pairings, but some may not realize they need to say so.

Yes, but Aurae is a known troll, and, much like Spiders Georg, should not be counted.

Yep. You can't DNW around a bad actor.

but as a generally pairing-agnostic person "unrequested pairings" feels like you're saying "how dare you expose me to any of those other pairings" whereas "dnw anything but x/y" feels like you're saying "this is what I want in this specific exchange, please!"

I'm also a generally pairing agnostic person and I feel the exact opposite way. "No unrequested pairing" feels like "I just want what I specifically ask for, which is one plain cheese pizza for Kevin McAllister."

but "dnw anything but x/y" feels like "don't waste my time with anything other than my OTP, which I feel entitled to demand even though yuletide is a character matching exchange not a ship matching exchange"

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