coaltide | C.R.E.A.M

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2021

C.R.E.A.M

Coal ruins exchanges around me - spitey spitey fic y'all.

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I'm generally curious about what kinks you need to opt out of if you don't want them, because I don't want my letter to be a long list of DNWs. And specifically, is Daddy/Mommy kink opt in or opt out? I'm seeing a lot of letters DNW it, but I would've thought it was opt in.

sometimes people still DNW things that most writers would consider opt-in. I'd consider daddy/mommy kink opt-in

There's no universal standard. Judging by discussions we've had here before, people can't even agree on what constitutes "kink", let alone which ones are fair to write unprompted and which aren't. Some exchanges (mostly flash exchanges, AFAIK) have official opt-in lists that include certain kinks, but Yuletide doesn't.

Generally speaking, IMO, your best bet is going to be to prompt for what you want, and/or have a likes list including some smut likes to draw from, DNW what would absolutely 100% ruin a gift for you, and let a presumption of good faith take care of the rest. On the one hand, most people are not likely to write you an exceptionally kinky PWP totally unprompted; on the other hand, if you're asking for an m/m pairing with an age gap that's got a lot of daddy kink in the tag, you should probably let your author know you want them to avoid that in your gift.

There are some writers who think everything that isn't in the rules is opt-out. So if there's anything that will actually truly mess you up in the "panic attacks and weeks of nightmares" sense, not just the "I got a story I didn't like much" sense, DNW it no matter what. You'll never cover enough DNWs for all the things those people might think is okay though, so I wouldn't worry about it beyond those really, really important ones.

Also, anything that's a major part of canon is opt-out. Normally, say, incest is opt-in, but if your fandom is Flowers in the Attic, you need to explicitly opt-out.

Also, if you're the kind of person who does like most things and puts a note in your letter along the lines of "I am pretty much squick-free, go for it!" then you are saying that everything is now opt-out, so opt-out of anything.

Similarly, sometimes people who are wondering if something they are thinking about is okay will sometimes look at your fic/other gifts/recs etc. for the fandom you matched on, so if you have just rec'd a bunch of 24/7 power exchange fic on the same account as your letter, but don't want it for YT, you might want to mention that.

Other than what's covered there - In Yuletide, anything NC-17 is probably opt-in. If you don't mention wanting sex in your letter you probably won't get anything explicit. (This doesn't mean no daddy kink though, sadly.)

Everything that requires an AO3 archive warning is definitely opt-in, or should be.

Most people won't write you "hard kink" unless they have reason to believe you want it. The problem appears when people disagree about what "hard kink" is because it's so mainstream in their corner they don't realize it isn't in other people's. Nearly everybody agrees that, say, scat or collaring or bestiality or tentacles or sibling incest are opt-in (unless they're canon) so those are probably less important to DNW honestly.

Things I'd say the 'not everybody agrees on the kink level' applies to are things like:
daddy/mommy/little kink
choking/breathplay
spanking/discipline
a/b/o
(m)pregnancy
low-key genderplay kink
various levels of arguable dubcon, like drunk sex or secretary/boss
incest between cousins/stepsiblings/foster siblings
consensual nonmonogamy
blood
fuzzy-handcuffs-level bondage

Probably some others that could be added to the list.

In Yuletide, anything NC-17 is probably opt-in. If you don't mention wanting sex in your letter you probably won't get anything explicit.

I've definitely written porn for Yuletide unprompted. imo, if you're asking for shipfic and not specifying a heat level, then you're implicitly requesting any and all ratings.

No, I don't agree. A failure to DNW any given thing is not an "implicit request" for it.

nc

I meaaaaannnnnnn, a failure to specifically DNW a whole rating class is different than failing to DNW puppy play, or some other specific kink, imo. Personally, I'd probably not give anything beyond canon-typical where it wasn't specifically requested, but porn isn't always strictly opt-in.

AYRT

I didn't say it was as a rule. I mean, I don't interpret a failure to DNW a Harry Potter crossover as an implicit request for it, or a failure to DNW scat as an implicit request for it, or etc.

In the specific situation where a recip requests shipfic and doesn't give any further info about how sexy or not sexy they want that shipfic, though, I do assume that the recip doesn't have a strong preference in either direction.

Na if I have a prompt that's literally just the pairing tag, agreed. Honestæy I read a blank or pairing-only request as the same as an "anything goes" letter.

But if there are actual prompts and they're not porny, then I would assume the person isn't looking for porn? (Which doesn't mean no sex, but there's a difference between a plot-relevant/canon-level r-rated scene and smutfic.)

This is fine imo

I think that Daddy/Mommy kink is opt in unless it is canonical.

Personally, I consider pretty much all kink to be opt in unless it in the canon itself. That being said, I do DNW a few kink things like non-consensual sex, painplay etc. because those are things that I really don't want to receive and I think that a vast majority of writers will look at those and understand that I do not want to receive fic that doesn't contain those items or similar kinks (say, kinks involving blood) without me needing to specify each and every possible other DNW kink. Someone who is determined to gift me fic that crosses that line will always be able to find a DNW that I didn't think to include, so, for me, it's not worth going crazy trying to craft the perfect DNW list.

I think for me, like, actual incest roleplay is definitely opt-in. But there are going to be a lot of people where it wouldn't occur to them to think twice about someone saying like "ooh daddy do me harder" or something if it wasn't DNW'd, and there also people super squicked by it at that level.

AYRT From my (entirely subjective) position, I think that if it's canonical to have that as bedroom talk, then I think it's opt-out. If there's none of that in canon, then I definitely would not include that in a story I wrote for someone unless they specifically okayed it (or thinks of that ilk) in their letter.

I DNW specific kinks for two reasons. 1. It's a hard squick that I never want under any circumstances to the point that I feel the need to mention it, but not necessarily because I assume someone is going to write it for me if I don't. 2. It's related to things that I like, but aren't included in things I like. I could understand where someone would think that because I'm interested in Kink A, I'd also like adjacent Kink B, but it's actually not my thing.

As a recip, I consider only the archive warnings opt-in.

As a writer, I'm going to use my best judgement and make a good faith effort to not give my recip something I think they'd hate just because it's not on their dnw list.

Unless they're a fucking Nazi, then all the breaks are off on the spitefic train

The only opt-in kink we all agree on is scat.

yeah

I dnw unrequested kinks, and I don't give a damn if that makes you game away from me. In fact, if you're so keen on writing things I didn't request in that area, it's probably better for both of us if you do. (I do have a smut likes list in addition to my general likes, so it's not as if I'd leave potential authors guessing, and the list isn't so short that I'd railroad anyone.)

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C.R.E.A.M

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