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Comments

Re: Disappointments

[(Anonymous)]

This made it really easy to find the fic in question, and I honestly feel sorry for the writer. Especially since it looks as if the recip rejected it.

I get the impression that they're really young (spelling "hot" as "hawt" for example), and maybe doing an exchange for the first time. I know that doesn't make up for getting a fic you don't like, but it's clearly not spite and they seem to have tried their best.

Re: Disappointments

[(Anonymous)]

+1

They've really tried, they sound sweet from the author's notes, and from checking out possible recips it looks like they most likely had "do anything you're comfortable with" as their entire prompt. Recip could at least have left a kudos or a short thanks and then rejected later.

Re: Disappointments

[(Anonymous)]

CYRT

Agreed, the recip is the one who looks kind of bad. If they didn't want a sex scene they should've said so, and if it just wasn't to their taste they could still have left a short thanks.

I hope the writer doesn't see this thread, at least.

Re: Disappointments

[(Anonymous)]

I agree. It's also easy to find who the recip must have been and see their sign-up, which is basically "I ship these characters". It's badly-written, but it looks like an honest effort to give the recip something they would like. I agree it's probably a young first-timer, and I hope this isn't crushing their soul too badly.

Re: Disappointments

[(Anonymous)]

There seems to be a rise in the attitude that you can passive aggressively reject your gift just because you didn’t like it and I think it’s really shitty. Grow the fuck up, people. (But maybe there’s more context here.)

Re: Disappointments

[(Anonymous)]

I think rejecting a gift you didn't like is fine and *is* the grown up thing to do rather than to fake gratefulness and privately feel resentful.

Re: Disappointments

[(Anonymous)]

If someone genuinely tried, you should be able to feel gratitude even if you didn’t like it. You’re a shitty person.

Re: Disappointments

[(Anonymous)]

CYRT

I'm not the one who can't take a different opinion without resorting to insults.

I don't think anyone should have to feel grateful for receiving something they didn't like. I'd prefer rejection as an author too because it's more honest. (I mean, by all means, if you feel grateful, feel free to say it, but don't say you like it when you clearly didn't.)

Re: Disappointments

[(Anonymous)]

God, you’re either one of those “People think I’m needlessly mean but I’m just HONEST” assholes or you don’t even remotely have the nerve to behave in the equivalent IRL. Oh no, I resorted to insulting a person who’s admitting they’re selfish and rude.

Re: Disappointments

[(Anonymous)]

I don't think it's selfish and rude, but randomly calling a stranger a "shitty person" certainly is rude af.

And I said I would prefer it *as an author*. So far, I didn't receive a fic I genuinely hated. (But yes, IRL I don't keep presents around that I dislike. Nor do I know anyone who does. Presents always come with a "if you don't want it, exchange it or give it to someone who does" caveat. But I don't think RL is an equivalent to gift exchanges because you can't exactly give a bad gift fic to goodwill, so I don't know what that has to do with anything.)

Re: Disappointments

[(Anonymous)]

NC

I think the key difference is that after I say thank you for that weird knickknack received through the office Secret Santa and donate it to Goodwill, I don't go up and cheerfully tell the person who gave it to me that I got rid of it.

Re: Disappointments

[(Anonymous)]

That's why it's not comparable. Still, having it on your gifts page is the equivalent of putting it on a shelf in your corridor where you and everyone will always see it. I don't begrudge people for not wanting that.

Re: Disappointments

[(Anonymous)]

NA

Disagree. My gift was crap, again, but I thanked the writer politely if unenthusiastically. I'm not going to reject it, because there's nothing offensive about it, it's just bad. Of my fifteen or so Yuletide gifts and treats, probably eight of them are bad. I'm not going back to reject any of those either. It's just the Yuletide lottery.

Rejecting a gift should be saved for DNWs, triggers, and spitefic, not honest, well meaning efforts that just don't hit the mark.

Re: Disappointments

[(Anonymous)]

WHERE ARE THE YALE PLATES

Re: Disappointments

[(Anonymous)]

Literally all you have to do is say a brief thank you. Finding a way out of that is about your ego.

Re: Disappointments

[(Anonymous)]

nobody has to. comments are optional.

Re: Disappointments

[(Anonymous)]

That doesn't mean you can't reject afterwards. I can be polite to the author and still not want a terrible gift sitting on my gift page forever.

Re: Disappointments

[(Anonymous)]

The bad gift won’t give your entire dashboard cooties, I promise.

Re: Disappointments

[(Anonymous)]

That doesn’t mean they have to keep in there forever.

Re: Disappointments

[(Anonymous)]

It's just going to make the recip remember the bad exchange experience every single time they look at their gifts page. No one needs that. Just reject stuff you hate.

Re: Disappointments

[(Anonymous)]

If it’s DNW-hitting, coal, unwanted cancerfic: sure

If the author clearly genuinely tried but is just not that good: get over yourself

Re: Disappointments

[(Anonymous)]

Have you never heard the phrase "it's the thought that counts"?

Re: Disappointments

[(Anonymous)]

I think rejecting a gift you didn't like, BUT that fits your prompts and Yuletide requirements (wordcount and characters) and is not pointedly spitefic, is a childish thing to do. This is what "Thank you for writing for me" is for. You don't have to gush or fake anything. Someone wrote you a story. Thank them for their effort. It's polite.

Say, "Thanks, grandma, for knitting me this sweater." If it doesn't fit and it's a color you hate, just stick it in the bottom of the closet and don't look at it again.

Re: Disappointments

[(Anonymous)]

You can refuse a gift for any reason. Maybe the title reminds you of your ex, or maybe the author is your ex. Maybe the author gave you a brand new DNW. Maybe you think it's spitefic. The reasons don't matter and are none of anyone else's business. Personally, I keep the badly-written gifts and show them to my friends when they visit, and we perform dramatic readings in my living room. But I'm mean that way.

Re: Disappointments

[(Anonymous)]

+1 on the "refusing for any reason is fine"

Personally, I still say thank you if the story appears to be written in good faith. But I reread my gifts a lot, I'm on my gifts page all the time, and I don't want to sort through bad gifts every day. (I don't get a lot of bad gifts, so this discussion is fairly theoretical. I refused maybe three fics over a decade.)