mainly how utterly dirty laurie is done throughout the fic and how she's treated as almost an afterthought in her own relationship by dan who consistently prioritizes rorschach over her and bulldozes over her thoughts, feelings and desires at every turn.
a big part of her character arc is about her becoming tired of being treated that way and wanting better for herself and the fic itself even has laurie reflecting on how much she hated being treated like that by her mother, jon and others but it seems to completely lack awareness that she's still being treated that way by dan so the fic trying to present her life with dan and rorschach as an improvement falls totally flat.
the ot3 is written very v shaped with dan at the center which would be fine on its own (and is arguably the closest to canon option) but within the fic there's nothing about dan that's appealing, especially not from laurie's pov. we're meant to buy this as a developing equal poly relationship but laurie is on the outside the entire time, disrespected and disregarded because poor woobie rorschach must be treated with kid gloves and coddled by dan, and laurie is such a selfish bitch for wanting her boyfriend to pay a shred of attention to her (this is not explicitly said but the implication permeates the entire fic).
the developing laurie/rorschach end of it is badly done. if there's nothing evident about why laurie wants dan then why she wants rorschach is more of a whatever. one must admittedly have horrible taste to he into rorschach but that's an interesting character note in and of itself; the reason stated for why laurie wants him in the fic is literally just that he's there and she might as well fuck him too since Dan is which is dull as hell. the actual scenes of laurie "seducing" rorschach are passionless and uncomfortable. it's more like someone trying to coax a stray cat to them who's got a plastic bottle stuck on its head to get it off but with a sexual element added that is horribly out of place.
there is more but i know fishspeakers is probably reading this with one hand occupied and I don't really want to go on. it was just a miserable fic that was disrespectful to the female pov character who is my fave of the three from top to bottom and it left a bad taste in my mouth.
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a big part of her character arc is about her becoming tired of being treated that way and wanting better for herself and the fic itself even has laurie reflecting on how much she hated being treated like that by her mother, jon and others but it seems to completely lack awareness that she's still being treated that way by dan so the fic trying to present her life with dan and rorschach as an improvement falls totally flat.
the ot3 is written very v shaped with dan at the center which would be fine on its own (and is arguably the closest to canon option) but within the fic there's nothing about dan that's appealing, especially not from laurie's pov. we're meant to buy this as a developing equal poly relationship but laurie is on the outside the entire time, disrespected and disregarded because poor woobie rorschach must be treated with kid gloves and coddled by dan, and laurie is such a selfish bitch for wanting her boyfriend to pay a shred of attention to her (this is not explicitly said but the implication permeates the entire fic).
the developing laurie/rorschach end of it is badly done. if there's nothing evident about why laurie wants dan then why she wants rorschach is more of a whatever. one must admittedly have horrible taste to he into rorschach but that's an interesting character note in and of itself; the reason stated for why laurie wants him in the fic is literally just that he's there and she might as well fuck him too since Dan is which is dull as hell. the actual scenes of laurie "seducing" rorschach are passionless and uncomfortable. it's more like someone trying to coax a stray cat to them who's got a plastic bottle stuck on its head to get it off but with a sexual element added that is horribly out of place.
there is more but i know fishspeakers is probably reading this with one hand occupied and I don't really want to go on. it was just a miserable fic that was disrespectful to the female pov character who is my fave of the three from top to bottom and it left a bad taste in my mouth.